I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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