I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
