I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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