i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
