Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
