I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
