So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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