I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
