Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
