A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
