Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
