Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
