I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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