By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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