i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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