We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
