need another drink. this is the easiest way
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
