So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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