I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
