Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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