This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
