I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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