Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
