Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
