Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
