using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
