My hair reeks of homosexuality.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
