OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
