the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
