Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
