Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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