He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
