i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
