From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
