Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
