dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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