someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
