this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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