he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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