whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
