Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
