i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
