Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
