You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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