Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
