just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
