I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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