I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
