he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
