I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
